I AM LIVE TWEETING EVERYTHING

by Salvatore Pane

Hey, guys. My life is pretty taxing right now. Remember last October when I posted about not having time to do anything because of teaching a 3/3? THAT SHIT IS HAPPENING AGAIN! And this time I’m writing stuff for HTMLGIANT (I got comic book and creative writing pedagogy posts appearing next month) and a One Note on Smalldoggies (it’s about my boy Grant Morrison’s Supergods) and an interview for Patasola Press and a review for The Rumpus. Also, I’m writing a second novel. Most of the time I just want to retreat home and monkishly work on the book which involves characters like Jimmy Hoffa the Battle Wombat and Mecha-Hitler and Dr. Wilhelm von Triumph and a scene where Davy Jones descends from Heaven as an angel. And because of all these responsibilities in tandem, something had to give. That something was the amount of time I had for this blog.

But fear not. Because I have decided that from now on, I’m going to live tweet EVERYTHING.

First up: sports. Guys. I am having a rough month. The Dolphins’ season is pretty much over and it’s not even October yet. The NBA is probably going to be locked out all year. And Pitt’s football team needs a lot of time to work out the kinks of Todd Graham’s “high octane” offense before limping off to the ACC. So what’s a guy to do?

WATCH LALA’S FULL COURT LIFE!

Let me educate you on this shit. Lala is Carmelo Anthony’s wife. ‘Melo is a recent addition to my one and only New York Knicks. Sure, my favorite of the current Knickerbockers (my boy, Amar’e Stoudemire) is spending the Lockout writing a YA series, but ‘Melo is starring in a reality show with his wife, former MTV VJ Lala. I’ve only seen one episode, but it involved Lala confronting Chauncey Billups’ wife in a scene that would not be out of place on Laguna Beach. This show comes on every Monday at 10. My official hashtag is #MamaThereGoesThatWoman. CATCH THE EXCITEMENT, KNICKS FANS!

Second thing I’m livetweeting: 2 Broke Girls! You guys see this shit? There’s a laugh track! And a horse living in Brooklyn! And racist stereotypes galore! I don’t exactly know what the deal is with CBS and why they’re still pumping out three camera sitcoms (like, is this for real for real?), but Kat Dennings is on the show. KAT “DID HE SAY MEOW MEOW” DENNINGS. This week’s installment involved “the girls” trying to get horseshit out of a white dress. BUT GUESS WHAT! The water had been turned off in a conveniently foreshadowed plot point! See you at #KatDenningsDeservesBetter.

Oh, you don’t like TV? NO PROBLEM. I’m covering all the hijinx of being a low level adjunct in the go-go world of 21st century academia! Curious how many times I reference Kanye West in class? Want to know how much time I spend wondering what it would be like if Lorrie Moore was my girlfriend? Think I listen to DJ Khaled on repeat while grading papers? Then find out on #proflife.

So join me, my friends. Let’s live tweet everything.

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