Curt Moyer Remembers Reach

by Salvatore Pane

Let me tell you about the kind of person Curt Moyer is. One time we  purchased soda and then were transporting said soda to our homes. Curt hooked his twelve-pack over his shoulder and started nodding his head to a made up beat. He looked over at me and sang, “You feel them cans jiggling?” That sums up our entire friendship.

He writes poetry too.

Now, without further interruption, I give you his thoughts on the impending release of Halo: Reach.

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September 14th is a day of historical significance, not because it is 3 days after the 11th, but because it’s right around the time George W. Bush told Americans to not worry about anything and go shopping. Given that it is the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I think it’s best to salvage the important message from that day: buy things to show the terrorists we are not afraid.

September 14th will mark a new era for America as it is the release of Bungie’s Halo: Reach. Reach is one of the most highly anticipated games of the year. Many stores will open at midnight for gamers to get their hands on Reach as early as possible. Some gamers have already pre-ordered copies to pick up at midnight, while gamers like myself chance the hard conditions and possibility all the copies will be sold out. I am willing to take that chance. It will be a tough time, standing next to fellow nerds in the harsh early morning weather for an opportunity to do our part to keep America free.

September in Pennsylvania is mild, but if there is a strong wind, I might need to wear a light jacket and find some cover in order to light my cigarettes. It has been hard living as a young American, but I owe my country this much. It is true what they say, freedom isn’t free, it’s about $60 plus tax (or $150 for the “legendary edition”; this is only for the most financially committed patriots). Ultimately it doesn’t matter what edition you buy, it matters that you show up and put your time in, display your enduring patriotism.

But purchasing Reach is only the beginning. In order to maintain your patriotism you must play. Reach has three modes that will please any Halo fan or average gamer; Campaign (story), Firefight (fight oncoming waves of enemies that get progressively harder), Multiplayer (vs. other real-life patriots, this is the bread and butter of the Halo series). Ultimately it doesn’t matter what mode you play, you must put your time in.

The Reach Spartans

What makes Halo so appealing (apart from pulling off great headshots that make 14 year olds moan and cry mercy) is its allegorical nature. The storyline of Halo is simple. You are a member of the USNC and your objective is to defeat the Covenant. The UNSC is basically your 2-D military heroes, and the Covenant is a bunch of religious extraterrestrial zealots that are attempting to wipe out humanity. Did I mention this takes place in space (Philip K. Dick, eat your heart out!)? You play as a Spartan (yes, that’s what they’re called, why, because of their ability to beat the overwhelming odds that are against them, Thermopylae anyone?) and you have to battle tons of different Covenant enemies (everything from grunts to hunters). Did I also mention that grunts are the smallest/worthless units and some kamikaze with sticky grenades attached to them? Seriously, this game just reaches a level
of contemporary allegory Jonathan Franzen can’t even touch.

Grunt kamikaze with sticky nades

I can tell you the first week after Reach’s release I will be getting little sleep. I work long hours, so my free time home will be eaten up by Reach . There will be no books (which means I might be eligible to join the Tea Party) or blogs, or anything that involves words other than “pwn” and “noobs”. This is what it means to be American, this is what it means to have principles, this is what it means to be a Patriot. Do yourself a favor, remember Reach.

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